Are you ready to take responsibility of your mental health and start taking control of your thoughts and emotions, rather than them running you. It sounds harsh I know, though I have suffered deep depression and I had to do just that to recover. It is not about controlling others or yourself, it is about Self Control and Emotional Intelligence.

So how do we gain Emotional Intellegence? We need to understand that it is our own thoughts and perceptions alone that trigger certain chemicals to be released into our body so that we feel body sensations that we give a name. We will call the feeling sad, happy or light. When this happens we say we have had an experience. That is the mind body connection. Prior to that were just unconscious or conscious thoughts in our mind and then the mind had to let the body know what was happening, hence the chemical change.

When we were young we were taught "if you are good you will get" via rewards and punishment. All very innocent, though this has caused us to relate "feeling bad" with "being bad" and "feeling good" with "being good." When you were punished it definitely felt bad and you knew we weren't a good person and when you were rewarded it felt great and you got the message that you were a great person. This also caused us to set goals to "be better" and in other words to increase our value and worth to others on this planet. As over 95% of our functioning is unconscious, we are not always aware of some of these unconscious goals we have attached our Self Worth and Value too.

It is the failing of one or more of these goals that can set Depression in motion and as you can see this can be consciously or triggered unconsciously. When your Self Worth and Value is attached to these goals, failing at one or more of them doesn't feel good, it is very painful and you get the perception of your Self Worth dropping, even though that isn't possible. It is when this is too painful and you think the thoughts "Why Bother, What's The Use" (of setting goals as it is too painful emotionally and I feel Worthless!), that the brain does it's thing. It says "okay he/she doesn't want to do anything, so they certainly don't need any Adrenaline or cortisol" and then continues to pump in all the "rest and digest" chemicals and suddenly the person feels unmotivated, heavy or sometimes they can't even get out of bed. This is the Parasympathetic Nervous System at work, which is the opposite of the Fight or Flight Stress Response and this relaxes the body and slows many high energy functions.

For someone with Depression to recover and feel better, they need:

• To take responsibility and own that it was their thinking that caused the Parasympathetic Nervous System to kick in. It may have been triggered by an external event, though it was their own thoughts that created this response in the body. In the case of Depression, they have thought "Why Bother!"
• To start setting goals again. Yes it can be painful to fail, though this is life, it is not possible to achieve 100% of your goals. It certainly does not mean you are Worthless or less Worthy. This feeling only comes from having your Self Worth attached to the achievement of your goals and if you continue to have your Self Worth attached to your goals, it is going to feel like your Self Worth goes up or down in varying degrees. 
• To have an accurate understanding about why we set goals. We set goals to motivate us and propel us into life experiences, where we learn, grow and evolve, so we can pass it onto the next generation, so we can survive as a species. 
• To become aware of all the small goals we achieve each and everyday such as getting out of bed, walking, making a cup of tea, learning to swim. We don't count these because they aren't the big ones that give us our Self Worth. That is why it is said that "setting a goal is far more important than the achievement of it, because it is about the journey along the way and the learning an growth and experience.
• To understand that what we have been conditioned goals are for is inaccurate. We are conditioned to believe that we have to achieve them or we are Worth Less and that they will make us happy or that they have to be big and huge.
• To be gentle on themselves if they suffer constant Depression, as they learnt this conditioning from somewhere and they are doing the best you can with the conditioning they have. The fact that you learnt this, you can learn new information and keep reinforcing this until it becomes the loudest voice in your head.
• To be okay to be in the learning phase of life. That is what life is about. Some people are learning about Cancer, they are learning about Depression.
• To keep moving. All it takes is one small step or one new thought to begin the change. You can't give in! This is what keeps you in the Depression cycle. Yes! Depression is a type of tantrum (don't worry I have done it too). It is "I've failed, so everything is bad and I'm not setting anymore goals again, as it is too painful for me. Why bother! Whats the use!"

Some other things that can help with Depression are:

• Even if you feel bad, remind yourself to lighten up and get over yourself, as it is all just "stuff" (thoughts and body sensations). It feels bad but it can't hurt you. 
• Practice being playful more often. Have a look at this Ted Talks fo Dr Stuart Brown from the National Institute of Play http://www.ted.com/talks/stuart_brown_says_play_is_more_than_fun_it_s_vital
• Don't give in or give up! Even if that means just to do one thing. That might be get out of bed, eat, etc.
• Asking for "Help"!
• Reaching out when everything about you says "hide away."
• Watch Comedy, no drama that will feed your Depression.
• Exercise even when you don't feel like it. It helps with the "Happy Chemicals".

That is plenty to digest for this week and I will expand on some tools next week ;-)